Realization

I just recently posted.
But I was searching through many other blogs and could not help but notice the artwork many of these bloggers post up.
Their art is so raw, vivid, and lively.
The kind of art I've always dreamed of.
To me, my art was always anime.
But to see such classical pieces of art...
It's almost depressing.
I have only ever known anime, ever since I was a child.
Vintage and modern pieces were always my biggest obsession.
Yet I could do nothing to grasp at it.

I want a style.
I don't want anime.

Is that confusing?

I'm speaking out of my ass, seriously.
I want to feel artwork.
Sleep, drink, eat artwork. I want to have the obsession, I want to feel the thrill it gives artists.
Am I a fake?
I know, artwork is artwork.
But this feeling...It's just different.
It's like, I'm trying to find myself.
I'm rambling. My words are confusing. But it's a feeling I can't grasp entirely.